Tuesday, 17 July 2012

The Scariest Thing

Guten tag guys,

In Australia, there's a time of the year that strikes fear into the hearts of everyone, whether they be a child or an old person. It lasts for about 2-3 months and even stepping outside your house can be hazardous to your health. It's called: Magpie Season (cue scary music!)

Ahh, magpie season. That time of the year when you walk down the street and every step you take could lead to an unexpected attack. Or more, if you're unlucky, like me the other day.

On Monday, I was walking to my school. When I was another street away from the street my school is on, I saw a sign that the council had put up: WARNING: MAGPIES NESTING! It said that this area had nesting magpies, that you should be careful and it also featured a list of precautions to avoid attack. But of course, me, never having been attacked before while walking through magpie territory, didn't try to avoid attack. Now I can bet you can guess what comes next...
After I thought: 'Screw the sign, I'll be OK', I kept on walking. I only walked about 5 steps before hearing a whooshing noise, and it was then I thought: 'Sh*t, it's a magpie!'. And then the magpie hit me on the right side of my head, grazing my ear. I swore really loudly, thinking I'd now start bleeding to death. I then grabbed a book out of my bag, used it a head protectant in case of another attack, and ran. After a minute, I stopped to catch my breath (I blame the smokes, just kidding!) and as I was gasping for oxygen, I looked around and saw......the magpie!! Perched on a telephone wire, watching me. I began to start running, then I heard the whooshing noise again. I put the book behind my head again, ducked and waited for the bird to crash through my head and knock my brain out of my skull. But it flew over me, and as it did, I tried to hit it with my book and I told screamed at it to go away, then began to run at inhuman speed for my school. Fortunately it didn't attack me again and also it was lucky that the scratch I got hasn't left a mark.

And that, dear readers, is the grand tale of my first (hopefully last) magpie attack. I haven't learned much from that experience, except:
  • Pay attention to signs, especially ones with WARNING! written on them
  • Don't be an over-confident idiot in magpie season
  • Yellow does NOT go with peach.
That last one has nothing to do with magpies, but it is something we all should know. If you have any unpleasant animal encounters, let me know in the comments below.

In other news, it was Bastille Day last Saturday and it also happened to be my birthday. So happy (late) Bastille Day to all my French readers and bonne anniversaire to me!!!

And so on that cheery note, I'd like to say....

Au revoir, Vivmarie1407

NOTE: If anyone from the government or an animal rights group has read this post and thinks that my trying-to-hit-magpie-with-book-thing is an act of animal cruelty, I do apologise. I wasn't trying to hurt the magpie, at least not seriously hurt it, instead I was trying to get it to leave me alone.

Also, to Aussie readers: the killing of magpies is a crime as they are a protected species. If you have a problem with magpies, contact your council instead of trying to blow the bird's brains out.

No comments:

Post a Comment